Who Wants to Live Forever?
by OlympusAlmyghty
Summary: Random thing I came up with one day. It's about a group of Fiction protectors. Enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

[A/N] Hi, everyone. Since this is my first story, please try and forgive some of the horribleness. Leave reviews, but if you are only going to troll it, go to Youtube.

Chapter 1

I used to be just an average guy from Philadelphia. I was in my early thirties, I was unmarried, and my family lived in Cleveland. I was in the Army for about five years before I was honorably discharged on the account of saving fifteen guys from a burning building. I had moved into Philly only sixth months before I was recruited to the organization.

By now, you're probably wondering who I am. Well, I used to be Sam O'Riley, but Sam O'Riley no longer technically exists. My codename is S. I work for the International Protection of Fiction Association, which doesn't exist either. But enough about that, let's talk about how I got into this situation.

One day, a Saturday to be exact, I was at my apartment, making my breakfast, when I heard a knock at the door. Going to the door, I asked who they were without opening it.

"International Protection of Fiction Agency", said the guy at the door.

"Never heard of you guys."

"Yeah, well, there is a very reason for that", said a second voice.

"Ok, Frank, Jeff, is this you? Come one, guys, I don't need a repeat of Halloween. I had bruises for a month."

"Trust us, Mr. O'Riley, this isn't your friends, nor is it a prank. We will explain on the way."

"To where?"

"Your new life."

And they were right. They just didn't say it would be a BETTER life.

When I stepped out of my apartment to talk, the two guys immediately grasped me. Now, I'm not the biggest guy in the world, but I can survive in a fight. These two guys grabbed me, held me tight enough as for me to not even struggle, and brought me to the Humvee they had waiting.

The guys themselves were dressed in these strange suits. I didn't know what they were at the time. The seemed like body armor, but not any body armor that I had ever seen.

When they tossed me in – and I mean tossed – I was greeted by two complete strangers. One of them looked a lot like Sean Connery from his days as Bond, the other looked like the world's greatest grandfather. I got a feeling that both could kick my ass from where they were.

The Connery lookalike spoke first, but he had a Southern accent as opposed to a Scottish one: "Greetings, Mr. O'Riley. My name is F. This here", gesturing to the older gentleman, "is R. We are part of the IPFA. We are here to recruit you."

"You do know this is kidnapping, right? I could sue you and your Southern ass from here to St. Louis."

At that point, the older guy spoke. He seemed to have been Russian, but it was hard to tell. "Mr. O'Riley. May I call you Sam?"  
>"Sure."<p>

"Sam, kidnapping is where you take someone who exists. You do not exist anymore."

At that point, the world stopped for me. I felt numb, and cold to everyone, including myself. I don't know how long I was like that, and I don't want to know. But that time period was when I felt the worst, and I had trauma during my service.

After I snapped out of that, I immediately asked them what they were talking about.

The Southern guy, F, said, "We erased all your records. You ever seen MIB?"

"Yeah?"  
>"It's kinda like that, but we are more precise than that. We wiped everyone who knew you, erased every single record of you, and got rid of every existing sample of your DNA, all during this drive. Ergo, you do not exist."<p>

"But how? How could you do that? It just isn't possible. You can't erase someone from history."

R spoke then. "We have, Sam. Do you want to know what the IPFA does?"

"Yes."

"We track down the scum of fanfiction and eliminate it."

"Like you did with me?"

"Oh, nothing at all like that, Sam. What we do is far more complicated, and much harder. Have you ever read a story, watched a movie, or the like, and had an idea for it?"  
>"Who hasen't?"<p>

"That idea exists."

"Ok, now you're just pranking me. What you are trying to say is stories exist? How?"

"You see, Sam, reality exists as a series of planes, or alternate dimensions. Whenever a story is created, a new plane for that story is created as well. All planes exist in sync with ours, and, with the right equipment, someone from our plane can pass into a different plane."

F started speaking. "And it's our job to make sure that each plane is functioning normally. Since the rise of fanfiction, that is not the case with many planes. Hell, the only one not affected is our own."  
>"And how is that?"<p>

"No one knows, actually. We have top researchers looking into it, but have had little success."

It was then we got to our destination. I didn't know where we were, since all the windows were blacked out. However, I still had one more question for Agent Weird and Weirder.

"Why me? Out of all the people in the world to choose, why me?"

"Because, Sam. You have served in the Army, you have been repeatedly shown to handle well in stressful situations, and you can handle a preposterous situation a lot better than most people."

"That describes a lot of people."

"Well, do we look like ordinary people?"  
>"Yes."<p>

"Well, we aren't. Every possible recruit was specifically chosen, and of the over one hundred people chosen, only one is selected to join our organization."

"Sounds like a bad rip-off of the Men in Black."

"Correction", interrupted R. "The Men in Black are a bad rip-off of us."

"They've been around since the 60's!"  
>"Exactly. Now, do you want out, or do you want to come back, fight for what's right, and fight for your life?"<p>

I thought about it. Ever since I had gotten out of the Army, I wanted to get back in. However, the smart, reasonable part of my brain said no to that, and I should just have a normal life.  
>Sometimes I hated that part of my brain.<p>

"What happens if I don't take this offer?"  
>F spoke. "You can go back to your life. We will mind-wipe you of your experience, set you back up with your previous life, and nobody will be the wiser."<p>

"And if I take your offer?"

"You will go through a series of tests, to see if you're ready for this. If you pass, then you can be an Agent. If you fail, you will wake up in your bed with no memory of the experience."

I ignored my (always right) common sense, put on my ten-ton iron balls, and agreed to the deal.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I'll be uploading new chapters once or twice a month. If I can't upload a new chapter, I'll give fair warning beforehand or try and upload it earlier than usual.

Chapter 2

I get out of the Humvee, and realize that I am in the middle of buttfuck nowhere.

"Welcome to the Pine Barrens," said R.

"Why in God's name are we in New Jersey?" I asked.

"That's because the closest IPFA station is here. Would you honestly suspect something like us to be in the Barrens?" said R.

"No."

"Exactly"

We walked for what felt like an hour before Tweedledee and Tweedledum stopped.

"Here."

I didn't have to ask what that meant.

"What do we do now? Call out to the Jersey Devil to take us away to Wonderland?"

"Nonsense. He would never do that, and we aren't prepared to even look at Wonderland."

Surprisingly, that wasn't the weirdest thing I heard that day.

Suddenly, we started sinking. Not like quicksand, but like we were on a platform. Which was very accurate. I realized that the three of us were on a ten-foot platform that was descending rather quickly.

When it stopped, we were inside a complex of some kind. Well, it was more of a security checkpoint that would put Alcatraz to shame. I still don't even know what three-quarters of the stuff there did to me, F and R. All I know is there was a metal detector, a Sue and Stu detector, and various other security means my mind could understand.

After that process, the Wonder Twins took me to a white room that had nine other guys of various nationalities in it, sitting in comfy chairs. I still don't know what happened to some of them.

"Well, everyone, since you have had time to prepare, it is now time for your first test," said R.

"Test? What test? You never told us about tests," said a guy with a cockney accent.

"Did anyone tell you everything? No? Then we don't have to tell you everything," said F. "The first test will be written. You have two hours. They are under your chairs."

So, for the next two hours, we took a test about various, and at the time unconnected, subjects which I cannot disclose. At the end of the two hours, F came back into the room.

"Time. I will collect your tests now. If you are not done, would you come with me?"

Two or three guys came with F. I later found out they had been wiped and dumped back in their homes. As for the rest of us, we were lead into a firing range. But not any firing range any of us had ever seen.

For starters, the guns were a model no civilian had ever seen. I can't disclose much, but they looked like a cross between Mr. Freeze's freeze gun and an AK-47.

"Now, onto the firing test. Anyone who fails this will be automatically disqualified. You have to hit the correct target before time is up. These are specifically designed paintball guns, each with different colors. If you do pass, you will continue to hand-to-hand combat. Pick up your guns."

We all got our guns. In case you're wondering, I got orange.

"Begin."

Right as F said that, the target range opened up. There were various characters, each from different universes. However, there was one character not from any canon I knew. I spotted it around the same time the cockney guy did, and fired.

Right as our paintballs hit, a timer went off. "Done!" Called F. "Would Samuel O'Riley and Gregory Parker proceed to the next room. Everyone else, go with R."

Greg and I proceeded with F to the next test. F said, "In this test, there can be only one victor. The winner is the person who successfully subdues the loser into unconsciousness. Now, prepare yourselves."

We each got into fighting stances. During my time at the Army, I had learned CQC and Tai Kwon Do, so I knew how to fight. I got into a stance that didn't allow Parker to know my weakness: I had a false knee. While in conflict, I had the original destroyed. I nearly lost my entire leg, if it wasn't for an Army doctor that was, against all odds, was named John Watson. I checked into him as soon as I got clearance, and found out that no, he wasn't THAT Watson.

Anyway, the fight. Parker clearly knew how to fight as well, because as soon as it started, he threw a kick at my good knee. I got out of the way, got behind him and into a Full Nelson. Parker then head-butted me, threw his heel into the royal meat and got out of the Nelson. Naturally, I was dazed and seeing stars. But in that state, I gave up my secret.

Parker was quick to notice it, and took immediate advantage. I snapped out of it, and got out of the way just in time to avoid a very mean right hook. And by that I mean I blocked it with my face. I dropped, but I wasn't out. I rolled and missed a stomp from a mean foot that was connected to a cocky cock.

I got up quickly, and tried to asses. Parker knew about my knee, he was quick, ruthless, and was strong as hell. I was bruised, bloody, and probably had a concussion.

My odds were not good.

Suddenly, Parker messed up. Big time.

He came at me with a right hook, and I fell. But I was still awake, and had a plan.

Parker loomed over me, a vicious smile on his face. It wasn't on his face when I kicked him in between his legs. It certainly wasn't on his face when I broke his arm, or when I put every ounce of strength into a haymaker that finished him. Now, all that wasn't everything that happened. But I did get my revenge and then some. By the time I threw the punch that finished him, he looked like how I felt.

"Done," called F, "Sam, come with me. Don't worry about him, somebody will come and collect him."

"What's the last test?"

"That was the last test. Congratulations, you are one of only twelve people that will ever remember this experience. Let's get you your uniform."

F led me into another room, but, surprisingly, it wasn't a test chamber. It was a locker room. Not some super special amazing locker room. A locker room that you would find in a gym.

We walked over to a locker marked "S". Inside were two sets of suits. One was a snazzy, well-tailored suit. The other was the odd body armor I had seen earlier that day.

"From now on, you will be in either of these two suits. You cannot cross over into different planes without the FBA."

"That's the armor, right?"

Here is where I can't tell you specifics. All I can say is that it connects to the AI at HQ, it has standard scanners, and offers protection to the wearer. That is all I can say without being wiped.

The suit, however, is just a standard suit. Nothing special other than it adjusts to your size. That's it. Also, it looks good on anyone.

F then led me to where we, pardon the wording, Magic the Gathering fans, walk among the other planes. At various stations were scientists, working hard at setting up another jump.

"Here is where we jump into any other plane. From there, we assess the situation, exterminate the source, and bring back those affected, and fix anything else that may be wrong. Now, a guy at my age can't do something like that. I've got a bad heart, and if I jump, I would die."

"Hold on. There is something wrong with these other universes? What could that be?"

"There are some people, S, that can alter a plane. Maybe in little ways, maybe in grander ways. It used to be that we would get about five missions a year. Now it is ten missions a day. That is why we need more agents, S. Agent's like you. Not like Mr. Parker. Now, I know you were violent in that ring, but Parker had a distinct advantage: he would have had you for breakfast if you didn't do what you did.

"But that is beside the point. You, S, will have missions every few days. Some may be only 24 hours apart, others a week. However, you will be compensated: full medical attention, vacations, and dental."

"Wouldn't think you would give me anything but a suit and some weird armor."

Just then, a scientist that looked like she was about 17 ran up to us with a sense of urgency. "F, we have a problem. G is in the Potterverse, and he won't respond."

"Maybe he turned his com link off again."

The scientist, J, shook her head. "He turned it on not five minutes before we lost contact. I'm worried."

"How long has it been?" asked F.

"Half an hour. He was investigating the disturbance labeled M.I."

F suddenly lost all color in his face.

"What? What's wrong?" I asked.

"M.I. is a disturbance in the Harry Potter plane. How it has eluded us until now, no one knows. But the creator of it, a woman's Sue by the name of Ebony Darkness Dementia Raven Way, is dangerous. She is wanted by the IPFA for disturbance of canon, disturbance of characters, countless manipulations of canon events, and being a Mary Sue."

"That's dangerous?"

"More dangerous than you think." Said J. "Usually, when a disturbance happens, we asses it and make sure it can't be an alternate universe to the original universe. But situations like this sucks massively. The creator thinks that he or she can make it better, but will actually nearly destroy all universes."

"How can these happen at the same time? I mean, F said-"

"Once a story enters the universe, it fluctuates the wavelength. In English, it means that, when a writer with the power, they make it so the universe that they are affecting is out of sync," Said J.

"And, because of that, if we don't re-sync it within 24 hours, the universe will collapse," said F.

"Why 24 hours?"

"There is a lot of quantum physics and higher-level math involved," said F. "I really don't understand it, really."

"F, we have seventeen hours left until Way destroys everyone. Our reserves are all out on other missions."

"Not true. We have one," said F, giving me this wild look. "Suit up, kid, you're going on your first mission."

However, this is where things get sticky. The monitor near the center of the room changed from whatever the scientists were doing to what I now know is a Mary Sue. Back then, though, I thought it was the worst thing I ever saw.

It looked like a walking corpse. The thing was rotten beyond belief. Its face was so degenerated that the skull was showing in most places. It was in something that would make every goth kid in the world weep in sadness.

"Is this thing on? Hello? Anyone there?" said that thing.

"How did you get on this channel?" said J.

"Oh! It is working! HIIIIIIIIIII!" said what used to be Ebony Way.

"Sir, it has G. It's communicating through the com link," said a nearby scientist.

"Now, I don't know who you preps are, but stop ruining my fun! What did I do to you?"

J spoke up. "Oh, your rotted ass is trying to destroy the universe."

"Oh. Well, stop ruining my fun! I hate you! If you don't stop, I'll slit my wrists."

"Well, with that incentive, we'll try harder," I said.

"Shut up, prep!"

"S, J, you're just making her stronger. Stop. You especially, J. Remember last time you did this?"

"Sir, I said I would clean it up! It's just the thing was a Watcher!"  
>"No excuses. Don't say anything."<p>

"Since you preps won't quit, I'll give you a time limit. You have five hours to find this guy. If you do, you can have him back. If you don't, I'll kill him. Very slowly and very painfully. BYYE!" said the monster.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Ok, this is bad," said J. "F, the scrub can't go into a situation this hot. Any number of things could go wrong. He hasn't even been trained yet!"

F sighed. "J, I hate to break it to you. But we can't see eye to chest on this one."

"Ha, ha, very funny. Seriously, the scrub hasn't even seen a Transmat yet."

I interrupted. "Uh, transmit? What's that?"

J answered. "It's how we get to different planes. There are one for every plane stationed at every base. The one nearest to us leads to the Buffyverse. Boy, have there been stories from there. Remember B-Day, F?"  
>"Oh, god," laughed F. "The pies-"<p>

"And the cowboy!"  
>"Uh, guys, we can go down memory lane some other day. Agent, kidnapped, in enemy territory, remember that?" quoted the green scrub.<p>

"Right. We need to get you into your armor, set up a link with HQ and your designated Psych Team member, N. You will like her," said F.

We got back to the locker room, got me into the armor, which covered my entire body, surprisingly.

"The guys that picked me up had armor like this," I told F.

"That's because they are agents. One of them was G."

"What's G like?" I asked.

"He's a massive prick, but he gets that privilege because he also happens to get the best results in this half of the country. I'm shocked that he let his guard down. Well, not really," said J.

"You sound like a jealous ex, J."

She never did respond to that. I never asked G about it, either.

"Anyway, S, this armor protects you from the reality warping abilities of any and all self-inserts in the planes. In normal conflict, they are also helpful. The helmet has glass for a reason", said J as I tapped on the mostly glass helmet. "It's bulletproof, and gives readings for you and HQ to see. It also drops any glamour and veil put up by magic and Sues.

"The gun also helps with taking down Sues. They can also affect Canon's, but the bullets only tranq them. They only kill non-Canon's, such as Sues, agents, and other beings not seen in the original story."

"So that's how we were able to see what that whatever-it-was really looked like?"  
>"Generally, they look like how they are described, since we usually catch stories like this early. But, since My Immortal has been circling the plane since at least 2007 and since Sue's age quickly, that is why we were able to see what it really looked like."<p>

By this time, I was mostly suited up. I just needed to get the helmet on, set up a connection with HQ, and get my gun. I was always told I was a fast learner, but this seemed ridiculous, even to me. I probably was just getting it because so much was going on. I don't know. Either way, I needed that quick learning, because countless lives were on the line, specifically the life of an agent.

When I finally got my helmet on, I immediately realized why I was picked because Jesus, a lot goes on under these helmets. I couldn't see it, because the helmet was blacked out from the front, but I'm still surprised I'm able to see much off anything. Everything from my health condition to where I stood was on that screen.

"TOO MUCH INFO," I then proceeded to say like a scared little girl.

"S, don't worry. You can turn off some of the charts. Just tell AL to turn off unnecessary information," said F

"Who is AL?"

"The AI that we have here. Don't worry; there are specific barriers in place for it to not take hostile control of any weaponry."

"Hello, Agent S. Voice recorded and submitted."

I knew from that moment not to trust that AI. But that's another story for another day. Back to this story.

I was lead to the Harry Potter Transmat, all the while thinking about how I was going to do this operation, what will go wrong, how badly I'll screw up, and that this armor is mighty comfy. When I finally got there, I met a third member of my Ground Control, N.

She was anywhere from mid-fifties to early seventies, maybe five-four, and had a large cup of coffee in one hand.

"Hey, S. Pleased to meet you, I'm N."

"You're my psych specialist."

"No, I'm a penguin."

I knew I was going to like her from then on, and that the IFPA was right in appointing her to me.

"Anyway, you've probably already been briefed on the situation. I'll be here and help you with getting through this situation."

"I guessed as much. So, F, how to I get to this plane?"

F answered by pushing a big red button on a console near us that lit up the Transmat in the middle of the room. "By walking through there. You'll be dropped by the Gryffindor common area, where G and the Sue, along with corrupted Canon's, are. Your mission is to eliminate the Sue and rescue G and the Canon's without disturbing Canon."

"Ok," said I. I then proceeded to walk through the portal and nearly piss my pants.

I've read the Harry Potter books. I know what the Gryffindor Common Room looks like. THIS Common Room looked like some sick motherfucker's nightmare.

Crudely drawn pentagrams were everywhere. Satanic worships were written on the walls and floor. In the background, some whiny emo shithead band was playing.

"Oh god oh god oh GOD!"

"S, don't let it get to you!" said N. "Once you kill the Sue, all this will go back to normal."

"Where is it?"

The place was marked on a map displayed on my helmet: in the Great Hall.

"That's weird," said J. "We had it marked at the Gryffindor Tower."

"Well, maybe you guys were wrong. Waitaminute," I said, getting into a crouch. I've got it at my position, the Great Hall, the Quiddicth stadium, and the Owlrey. It's setting up fake beacons! How is it doing that?"

"It controls this reality now, S! FIND IT!" said F. I have never heard him yell like that since.

I quickly did a run through of the Gryffindor area. Even though I still had four hours left, getting around this place would be hard, and knowing that Sue's warp reality, it will make everything harder. Unfortunately, no one was there besides some students, with various degrees of corruption by the Sue, according to the readouts given by my helmet. They were all canon, except for one blond girl in label clothing.

The blond girl yelled "Get him!" and charged at me, the other students following. I quickly dove behind a couch, grabbed a flash grenade, and threw it at the advancing students. Most of them were blasted across the room, even though it was just a flash. The rest fell into unconsciousness with varying degrees of drama.

I quickly contacted HQ, and told them to bring in a retrieval team. I knew enough to know that I couldn't help all these people here. Well, I could help one.

After losing a possibly vital clip, I tried to get down to the Great Hall. However, since this school is big, I had to do this secretly. There were Canon's everywhere, and I couldn't get into encounters with them. One of them might be connected to the Sue, and I just couldn't risk it.

While I was sneaking down to the Great Hall, I asked AL some questions. "Hey, AL."

A robotic voice chimed. "Yes?"

"What do I do when and if I find the Sue?"

The voice chimed. "There is no 'if', Agent S. When you find the Sue, and Agent G, you kill it and rescue Agent G."

"What happens when I kill it?"  
>"A large part of the Canon of this plane will revert to normal. There is no way to predict what will become normal when the Sue dies."<p>

"Can you find the Sue?"

"There is too much corruption near you," said AL as two female students, one of them a redhead, the other brown haired with enormous teeth, passed by where I was hiding.

"Yeah, two major Canons-"

"I know, Agent S. I see everything you see."

When I got to the Great Hall, I nearly broke down. It looked like Tim Burton and Martha Wayne had a kid and raised it with a cattle prod. From my position, which was hiding behind one of the doors trying not to break down into a sobbing mess, I could see why HQ thought the Sue was here: It had a high concentration of corruption matter.

It was also where she was brainwashing the most of Canons. I will not put what I saw down on paper.

"I am going to rip this Sue bitch in half and put her skin above my fireplace," I said, under my breath, as I saw two unnatural creatures force two very scared eleven year olds into the process.

"I hear you, S," said J.

"Don't let anger get the best of you. Try and control it. Let it out when you actually meet the Sue," said N.

For once, I listened to a psychologist.

After setting up a beacon for HQ, I went off to the Owlery. I had a hunch as to it being where something vital will be. And boy was there ever.

When I was maybe fifty feet from the entrance, I was blasted a foot backwards by some form of dark energy. When I got up, already sick of all the pain, I knew that there was something in that tower.

A strange thing happened the second time I tried to go to the Owlery: nothing happened. At all.

When I got up to the top, I realized what H.R. Geiger's nightmares must look like. There was this technoorganic machine that I will never describe to another living soul in the middle of the room. In the middle of the machine was a seventeen year old girl that was pretty once. She wasn't a corpse, and scans said she wasn't a Sue, but she wasn't canon.

And then her eyes opened with a flash.

"Help me. Please. Let me out of here," said the girl.

I immediately put my gun's safety on and went forward.

"What monster would do this to you?" I asked, even though I knew the answer.

I put up a beacon for HQ to find her and hopefully save her. I then gave her some tranqs, to put her in as little pain as possible during the upcoming fight.

I proceeded to go to the Quidditch Stadium, where I found what I was looking for and much more.

The stadium itself was not the worst thing I had seen that day by far and away. Granted, it looked like hell, but it was not as bad as the rest of the grounds. Or that poor girl I now know as Willow. However, when I did a scan, I found the Sue, three very badly corrupted Canon's, and G, were in there.

"Hold on, G. I'm coming for you."

I then went up to a wall, shot a grappling hook up towards a ledge, and proceeded to look like an idiot. The spells surrounding the stadium may have been warped, but were still protection spells. I tried to bust my way in with even less success. The only way to get in was if you were a Cannon or, according to the graffiti, a "goff". Don't really know what that is, exactly. But I went with my last option: burning down part of it.

"Guys, what will happen if I try and burn down part of the Quidditch stadium?"  
>"Well, since the spells around it try and prevent that, it will backfire and try to light you on fire. But I think we can get you in, you idiot," said N.<p>

"How?"  
>"With a localized Transmat portal."<p>

"Oh. Right. Ok, I guess?"

Right then, I heard the Transmat portal opening up before me with a thunderous roaring. I ran like a bat out of hell through it and landed in the middle of the stadium.

"Bravo!" yelled that damned Sue. "You made it in time! And you get to witness me do something I haven't done before: Corrupt an outsider!"

At that point, I had a thought that I had regularly, which is this: Why did I sign up for this?

Beside that monster were three bodyguards that used to be Potter, Malfoy, and the focus Weasley. They all looked so far gone, not even the power of God could save them. Their skin was ashen gray, their eyes almost irisless, and all three moaned a moan that will haunt the nightmares of Satan.

A bound, gagged, and nearly insane G was there as well. He may have looked like a rugged man-of-fortune before, but now, he looked like a man almost out of sanity. His crazed eyes and muffled screams continue to haunt my nightmares.

"Boys! Execute Maneuver 4!" said the Sue.

The three Canon's then executed a sort of maneuver that Rita Revolta would mock and laugh at. Fortunately, I shot the three pseudo-bodyguards down just as they landed on the ground.

"FOOL! Just for that, I'll kill your precious friend!" screamed the Sue, as she started to draw up that dark energy I encountered earlier

I repositioned my gun, trained it at the Sue's neck, and said, "If you do, I swear, I'll-"

"Do what? Kill ME? Silly human, I can't be killed. I have backing by the highest authority and power. Even the Wolf, Ram and Hart bow down to him."

"My philosophy is that, if it moves, breaths, and has a heartbeat, I can kill it. I don't care what you look like, or who your backers are."

"Shut up, you PREP! YOU CAN'T KILL ME! I AM A GOD!" screamed that sin against nature.

Without a moment's notice, this monster started a battle that I had next to no chance of winning. But I remembered my fight with Parker earlier, and realized that she had to have some weaknesses. And she did.

The shield she threw up when she started flying and throwing energy bolts (go with it, she was a Sue. The IFPA has always figured that Sues have almost absolute control once they plant themselves) was weak, and the bolts were just cosmetic rearangers. So I was safe from that.

However, she was coming at me at about 30 miles an hour, so I was screwed if she hit me, by her insane logic. So, with a prayer to whatever exists that created my world, I fired at her.

I was glad when I filled her with bullets. Unfortunately, that did precisely Jack. Fortunately, it managed to bring her down to the ground.

"You tried to kill ME? WHY I'LL-"

"Kill me, skin me, and use my entrails as soup. Bitch, I was tired of all that since before you were even created."

I then fired my last clip into her. It still didn't do much in the way of damage, at the time.

I dropped my gun, and proceeded to run at the walking corpse. Since she was on one knee, she didn't see me try and tackle her. But she did grab me and throw me ten feet away from her. I landed on my right arm, and heard something snap.

"Warning: Radial notch broken. Do not proceed Warning: Seminular notch broken. Do not proceed. Warning: Clavical broken. Do not proceed. Warning: Deltoid broken. Do not proceed. Warning: Tubercle broken. Do not proceed. Warning-" said AL.

I immediately shut off the link to him and HQ, and assessed the situation. My elbow felt like an elephant had tap-danced all over it, my shoulder, it seemed like, had a steamroller run over it, the rest of me was in a great deal of pain, and the Sue was powerful and advancing towards me with a fiery intensity. I flashed back to the fight with Parker.

I scrambled to get up, but the Sue teleported to my position and kicked me in the ribs twice. I felt at least one rib, maybe two. I later found out that I had broken four of my ribs, my third, fourth, seventh, and tenth ribs on the left side. That didn't stop me.

I proceeded to engage a reality warper with a broken arm and various broken ribs. Against all probability and sanity, I managed to break her left knee, elbow, and neck, in the end. But she didn't go down without a fight.

My injuries included serious bruising, a concussion, two black eyes, broken ribs, and my right arm and shoulder broken in three places. I spent ninety hours in Critical. Her injuries include multiple bullet wounds, a broken knee, and a broken neck. She spent the rest of her existence in the mortuary.

When F finally sent in a retrieval team for me and G, it was the middle of the night, and I gave up on trying to feed him some rations when he bit my hand too many times.

I looked up, and gave a big whoop. "Finally, you bozo's show up!"  
>"You, sir," said one of the guys, "have balls of steel, going up against that Sue. Do you know HOW MUCH power she had?"<p>

"Um, a lot?"  
>"You have no idea."<p>

"Huh. Oh, there is a girl in the Owlery. I set up a beacon. It won't be hard to miss."

In the end, Willow was rescued by the team. She was nursed back to sanity, and became a (somewhat) normal human being. As far as I can remember, she is still working for them, all these years later. Willow was pretty, did was she was ordered, and was a good friend. We quickly found out that Will could sniff out corruption and OC's because of what she used to be during an incident involving an escaped Sue, a unicycle, twenty platypuses and five eggs. You don't want to know the details.

When I came out of the plane on the stretcher, J was there with a medical doctor and a mixture of worry, anger, and panic plastered all over her face. "You look like hell," she said.

"Well, I went through hell. You saw that."

"F will ream you out for turning off your com link. And almost everything else you did."

"Do you think I care?"

"Maybe."

"I did. I just wanted there to be one casualty, not three."

"Well, S, there could have been two, because of what you did. As soon as you heal up, you're getting a partner and a new assignment."

It was right then that I finally slipped into sweet unconsciousness.

A/N: Send me suggestions! Send me feedback! Send me reviews! Send me hookers and blow! Whatever you want, I'd really like it! Also, I will be doing more of this. The next story that is raked over the coals:


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